The MarySue Oneshots
by DarkZelda
Summary: Ever thought how hilarious it was seeing all those Mary-Sue cliches? Want to see one actually well-written and humorous? Well here it is! This'll be oneshots of a Sue that becomes a smasher and some of the many cliches, some of them backfiring for the worse. Future violence in later chapters. Suggestions are welcome, preferably by PM.
1. The Prologue Prophecy

**Hello readers! For those who read Legend of Smash, don't worry, I'm still working on Chapter 14. I just decided to give people something while they're waiting. Something humorous. The answer? This story. I remember just laughing at some of the most insane Sues. Anyway, you can give suggestions of what Sue cliché or trait I should write next by PM ONLY, unless you are ANON, then you can just review. **

**Disclaimer: The only thing that belongs to me is the Mary Sue and this story. I wish I owned SSBB though.**

* * *

Two cloaked figures, one of each gender, walked side-by-side to each other, discussing something important.

"…She is part of the prophecy, she is important," the first figure said, their voice obviously male.

"Are you sure about this? You already predicted she would be in about twenty of those prophecies, and some of them involve the smashers, Miles!" the girl's voice was insistent, like she was doing all she could to dissuade her male partner.

However, the guy Miles wouldn't change his mind. "Monica, Blu Starrey Steel Nyte is going to grow up to be the perfect being, she will be greater than any hero in existence."

Monica thought about what he said. "Miles…this isn't right…"

"Why not?"

"She sounds like a Mary-Sue..."

"Name one way how she is."

"Well, first off, her name. Who the heck has Blu Starrey Steel Nyte as a name?"

"Her."

The girl sighed. "Let me rephrase that. Who has that name that is _normal?"_

Miles was silent. After a while, he finally spoke again. "Well, someone can debate that it's nor-"

"No, no you can't. Also, she can't possibly be better than people like Mario or Link. They are some of the greatest heroes ever! Not to mention there's Samus, Pit, Kirby-"

"I said give me one reason, not a total list!"

But the girl wasn't done. "And think about it! She's predicted to be in more prophecies than the Hero of Time! She's probably going to end up with every single guy! Her past is horrendus! Everyone will adore her, even the villains! BLue will probably be like 'I'll kill everyone evil with my amazing powers that no one else has! And if they do have it, I'm much more proficient at it, even though they've done it more than me!' She's going to be a smasher, and all _sane _authors will detest her! And you don't call _that_ a Mary-Sue?"

"Hm…" both of the figures stopped walking. They looked at poster of the smashers on the wall, all of them in an anime pose. Especially Wario, who looked the tiniest bit nicer in the pose despite he was eating garlic and farting while posing. At the bottom of the poster said _Think you're strong? Then come join the smashers today! _Staring at it, Mile realized Monica's point.

"Well then," Miles started to say, "are we screwed?"

The response was casual, as if this situation had happened multiple times before. "Yep. Big time."

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**Sorry about the shortness and lack of humor, I wanted to set a little bit of exposition. There will be more humor last chapter, don't worry. I am accepting suggestions on what Mary-Sue trait I should write about for the next chapter, remember, only anon reviewers can send them by review, normal authors must PM me. I will most likely NOT accept suggestions by those who don't PM me and are normal authors. This will have the smashers, so get ready. Anyway, thanks for reading!**


	2. The Beautiful and the Hated

**Sorry for the wait! Here's chapter 2, credit to Volition for the idea. There will also be a slight mention to one of the traits Pandamonium said.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own SSBB. Also, this was NOT meant to offend anyone. This is made purely for humor. There are implications of coarse language. Now on with the story!**

* * *

The purple haired Mary-Sue gave Link another kiss on the lips.

"I'll see you again soon, sweetie!" the girl said before walking away, a spring in her step. Link just stood there, his eyes glossy. That is, until Zelda, the Hero of Time's _real_ girlfriend slapped him.

"What was that for?" Link muttered, rubbing his red cheek.

"Sorry," the princess apologized, "but that Sue controlled your mind again."

Link groaned. "That's the fourth time _today!_ What did she make me do this time?"

"Based on what the other girls and I saw, she was holding your hand, pretending to make all the male smashers jealous while actually controlling their mind too. She was also making out with you. A lot."

"…Which smashers?" Link was waiting for the response, hoping she wouldn't say one of his reincarnation's names.

"Hm…Marth, Ike, Roy, Pit, Ness, Lucas, Young and Toon Link-"

"Okay, that's enough!" Link interrupted, trying to control his anger. The Mary-Sue, Blu Starrey Steel Nyte, was eighteen, the same age as the green-clad hero. To think she was hitting on _every _single guy, even the much younger ones…Let's just say he was madder than an attacked Cucco.

Zelda read his face and patted him on the back. "Don't worry, I have a plan." Almost immediately Link turned towards her, obviously wanting to know more. "The Sue wants to be a Smasher, we'll show her an _amazing _welcome party, Smasher style." The Hero of Time smirked.

"Let's round up all the smashers then. Where should her 'party' be?"

"…You have to invite her to your bedroom." The look on Link's face was priceless. "Trust me," Zelda assured him, "she won't know what's coming. Plus, that trap Ganondorf set up is still there. So, ready to start the plan?"

At first, Link was reluctant to agree. But the plan soon took hold of his mind, and he nodded vigorously. Today would be the day the Smashers would put a Mary-Sue in their place.

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Princess Blu Starrey Steel Nyte continued happily down the hall. Right now she was going to her date with Pit, and her rainbow colored vampire wings flapped with delight. Her flowing, ever changing hair shifted from purple to blue, her kaleidoscope eyes still changing colors. She was singing to herself, each note horribly perfect. What she was going to do was hypnotize the angel to go out on another date with her. Blu actually didn't have to mind control Pit, or any guy for that matter, she was beautiful enough that he would be on his knees, begging to go out with her. At least, that's what she thought. What she wasn't planning was Wario coming towards her, hearts in his eyes.

"I love you Blu!" Wario uncharacteristically screamed like a fangirl. Normally, Blu was used to confessions of love, but only from handsome canon characters. Not from ugly people…especially Wario. In disgust, she walked away from him.

"Wario, I'm busy, I have to go on a date with Pit!" Blu told the fat plumber, who was currently using garlic like it was cologne. However, Wario continued following the Mary-Sue like a puppy. Eventually, Blu's walk turned into a sprint that was heading back to Link's room due to Wario blocking the way to Pit's. A few twist and turns later, she saw the Hylian standing near the entrance of his room.

"Hey, Blu," Link greeted with false happiness, "want to come in my r-"

"Yes!" the response came almost immediately. The winged, half vampire, half angel (and other creatures) Mary-Sue quickly opened the wooden door and dragged Link into the room, leaving Wario outside.

Blu sighed in relief before looking around the large candlelit room. She saw the torn up pictures of Zelda in the trash bin that Link destroyed since he would 'rather be with the non-canon girl of his dreams.' On her right she saw Link's Master Sword laying on his desk, reminding her of her own copy of the sword attached on her belt along with the Ocarina of Time, six Master Balls, all the Chaos Emeralds, the Underworld Key, and a plethora of other extremely rare, some one-of-a-kind, items. Well, usually one-of-a-kind.

While the original character looked around the room Link decided to speak. "Blu, I have something to tell you…" Almost immediately the Mary Sue turned her head to him, ignoring everything else, including noises. Especially the creak of the door behind her.

"What, you love me? You want to love me?" Blu could hardly contain her excitement. This is why the room was candlelit, though it was hard to see…

"I'm afraid you're very, _very_ wrong." The Mary Sue turned behind her to just in time for to see the outline of Samus turn on the lights, revealing every single smasher, even Wario, inside of the room, hidden from the earlier darkness.

"Are you guys all here to worship me?" Blu asked, getting a smirk from Samus in return.

"Well, we're throwing a party for you. Hope you like the taste of plasma." The sounds of reloading and unsheathing weapons were heard.

"Um…time out?"

* * *

"Get it off me, GET IT OFF ME!" Blu sprinted out of the door, the stench of farts and something burning lingering on her. She screamed as she was lifted in the air due to Mewtwo's telekinesis. Normally, she would use her own psychic powers to get herself down, but right now she was in shock and disbelief. Everyone was supposed to like her. _Everyone. _The people that didn't were just jealous, or mocked or hated for not liking the Sue. As she dropped to the ground, not a speck of dirt on her, she quickly got up and started running in her revealing outfit, her tall high heels just defrosting from some PK Freezes. Pit, apparently her brother, shot a light arrow at her just as Ike, her second cousin twice removed, tossed Ragnell and hit her on the shoulder with Aether.

After being attacked by a blur of multiple weapons, all the smashers parted so nothing was in the way of Blu and Samus with a final smash ball.

"Look, little princess beeyotch, leave this place and go from wherever the crap you came from. Unless you want to die and be _miraculously_ brought back to life before dying again." In about a flash the Mary Sue disappeared due to her amazing Mary Sue skills, now including teleportation. The Smashers cheered in delight once they made sure she just didn't turn invisible.

Pit was practically flying off the ground. "Yeah, we did it! Woo!"

Zelda smiled at him, but it faded before she spoke. "Pit, you know we just got rid of one of them. We have about nine thousand left." Pit's wings drooped from the comment.

"Oh…well, what should we do then?" the captain of the centurions asked.

"Hm…" the other smashers thought for a moment.

Suddenly Peach thought of an idea, despite being known as a blonde bimbo. "Wanna hire security?"

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**End of chapter! Again, sorry for the shortness, but I hope I at least got a few laughs from people. The end is a bit of a lead into blueghosties idea. Keep sending in those suggestions, I'll try using them all. Remember for suggestions, authors PM, anon review. Also, while waiting for chapters, you can always look at my DeviantART account: DarkZelda15. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter!**


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